https://docs.google.com/open?id=0BwdHSRZBjaX1dmFnZGRBX2g3bWs

Here is the link for our Christmas Letter! Enjoy!

Urban Mission Dynamic Weekend

this past weekend was amazing...

God was really working on my heart in several different ways

what I have learned is that the DTES zip code is the most impoverished zip code in N.A. 

I went through the weekend asking God to show me what he is doing, and I wanted to see God in the people.

What he showed me was shocking...

I have learned to hate the brokenness.

I hate the circumstances that the people are born into.

I hate that the foster system is a joke and is used like a bad business.

I hate that they have addictions that they most likely they will die with.

I hate that they will most likely never escape the bondage that sin and addiction are in their lives.

I hate that they know their Bible better than me

I hate that they are the most evangelized people in N.A.

I hate that they have been evangelized without love because people don't know how to reach out to them and accept the reality of sin and its separateness from the person.

I hate that people can go give them a cookie, say "Jesus loves you" and then walk away with a clean conscience.

God made me fall in love with his people there. 

I don't see the sin any more, I just see his image born into a life of poverty and choices that had to be made for survival.

people very easily pass judgment on the people down there, they say things like "they made the choices in their life that has put them there..."

A few of them have, but mostly they were given no choices

They didn't have parents who loved them and gave them the affection they needed.

They didn't have someone to tell them that God loves them and created them and cares for them 

They didn't have homes to come home to and feel safe in

All they had was severe pain, pain from many different things, pain that children are never supposed to know

Pain that drives them to either suicide or escape by other means.

Other means usually means heavy addiction to whatever thing can get them away. In their conscious moments they are searching for love, but when they never find it, they search for a way to not feel anything.

The leaders who work down there are amazing people. Many of them are Christians.

They have had to realize that the gospel message that they were most likely raised on, is not the message that will reach out to these people.

they live with the harsh reality that most of what they do down there will never be noticed or appreciated.

The rest of the world tells them that they are wasting their time, not understanding how anyone could possibly see the image of God  in these people.

The world tells them that they are stupid for trying to work there, that they should go some where else if they want to work for God.

Many of them have changed the way they dress, walk and talk, they even let their hair get greasy (things that don't matter to God) just so that the people won't be afraid of them, or hide from them.

They just try to be real.

To do this honestly, they have to be real all the time, not just when they are in the DTES.

What does this look like? 

When they go home, when they go to a restaurant, when they walk the streets of gas town and pass the trendy and expensive shops, they have to be real. They face real shame for the sacrifice they are willing to make for Christ.

8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. Col 2:8

 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Col 3:2

14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... Col 3:14

 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

19 For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. 20 To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. 21 To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but nunder the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. 23 I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. 1 Cor. 9:19

The next time you see a homeless person, don't think "what choices did this person make to end up here?"

think "what severe hurt and trauma has this person been through that has left them in such bondage and hurt?"

People shouldn't be defined by their sin. They should be defined by their creator

As for the workers, they don't get rewarded and honored by the world, they have to make peace with that.

What does this mean for our church?

Are we worried about our image to God? or to the world?

How can we be different, so that the broken and lost in our neighborhood can feel truly, I mean TRULY welcome here?

DO we hand them clean clothes and offer them a shower?

Or does that send the wrong message.

What does it really mean to accept them as Christ would accept them?

Can we be truly unashamed of the gospel, and the Christ that we serve?

The Ten Talents

I wonder sometimes when I hear people say "If it's God's will for my life" what they really mean. Does it mean that they are truly praying for God's desires for them to match their own desires. The Bible does teach us that generally if we pray for our desires, God will grant them. It's not a promise, or a guarantee, but more a guideline for life, as Psalms and Proverbs are.

People who leave major decisions to chance, things like finding a job, leaving a job, accepting responsibility for a position at church, or even family planning I want to ask this question of. "Do you really not care what God wants for you, are you willing to accept what God wants for you, or are you just saying "let it be God's will" to pass responsibility of discernment from yourselves, to God. Sometimes I wonder if people say this really intending to accept what God does plan for them. Sort of like removing your hands from the steering wheel of a car and demanding God to supernaturally prove that He can drive. True, God is omnipotent, but He is also not at our command to satisfy all of our wishes, like a genie in a bottle.

The true task for a Christian is prayer and proper discernment for our own lives. We should pray that God and the Holy Spirit guide us to proper responsibility, right? Doing our best to bring glory to Him, and praying that the Holy Spirit will guide our decisions is key.

Is what we are really saying by "God's will" really a "I really don't know what is best God, but I truly and completely trust that you will give me what is best for me" or is it "I don't want to take the time to talk with you about it, or I don't feel like dealing with the responsibility of making a decision of my own with your help, so you choose and then let me know what you decide. If you choose well, and I am happy, then you did a good job God. But if what you choose for me makes me miserable, then I'm going to throw a fit. I just know that I don't want the responsibility of making the decision, because if it turns out horribly, then I don't want to be the one to blame. You can take it, God. Your bigger than me."

Really??

It's like the "magic Bible" way of reading scriptures for answers to our questions. Sure, I will not discredit that God can't speak to believers in this way, but He wants us to be more mature in our seeking of answers. We are not teenagers with a Magic 8 Ball in our hands. The Bible is not a question and answer book, per see, but rather the story of God and who He is and how He constantly seeks and redeems us. If we read it, we should learn more about Him, and when we understand more about God's character and hopes for our lives, we have added to our understanding of how he hopes we will live our lives. Through learning more about God, we can learn more about who we are and what He created us to be.

This is as much to myself as any one else, but don't play the "You Choose" card with God unless you are honestly prepared to accept what He knows is best for your life. We must remember that Satan is the king of this world, and has authority to run amuck in it for now. Satan would like nothing better than to see you leave a decision open for anyone or thing to decide besides God or yourself. Like leaving a pile of cash out on the counter at a pub, leaving and then saying, "God will keep my money safe!" God has left you responsible for what He has given you authority over, take responsibility for the talents you have been given, and deal respectfully with them. The master will be home in a while to see what you have accomplished.

God wants so much for us to desire to live our lives with His will in our hearts. But he doesn't want us to seek that blindly, without preparation, discernment or understanding of what He is asking. He wants us to love Him! He wants us to ask Him to guide us, or carry us when we need it. Above all, God is Love, triune love, expressed in perfect unity in the trinity. He wants us to come and take part in perfect community with Him; He desires that we develop a deep relationship with him, relationships are not just one way with one person making all the decisions.

Christ gave us the mental picture of the bridegroom and the bride as Himself and the church or body of believers. To be part of this body, we must be maturing, actively participating followers of Christ. Children do not marry, yet people have to accept Christ with faith like a child, and then they must progress to maturity marrying into the body. The Groom has the ultimate authority, but the groom also respects what the bride thinks and feels and He desires to teach her, train her, disciple her, love her, care for her, give her what she wants (even if it goes against what He wants for her), and have a relationship that defies all human understandings of love and intimacy on this earth! If the bride truly wants what is best for the relationship, she will talk through, debate and show passion for the tough conversations that need to be had. She doesn't just stand there and accept that her fate is out of her hands. Our lives are not pre-determined, they are what we make of them. We can either choose to follow Christ, or we can choose to stay behind. We can choose to be God's partner in our lives, or we can follow blindly, never partaking in the necessary discipline of discussing things with God.

For me, He had to discuss A LOT with me about going back to school. I really thought that I understood that God wanted us to "Go!" To me, that meant just going. Not staying! Staying didn't sound nearly as fun. So, God and I had to talk about that for a while, several weeks in fact, before I was ready to hear the rest of His plan. He wouldn't tell me the rest of the plan until I was ready to accept it without fighting back. He had to spoon feed it to me. All I kept praying for was that my will would be the same as His will for my life. I didn't care what that will was, I just wanted my own will to fade away and be replaced with His. Slowly, as I was honestly more and more ready to hear that will, He showed me. If He had dumped it all on me when I asked Him to, I would have rejected it and turned away, or at least would have taken a lot longer to come back around... He knows what is best for me, including what to tell me when. I trust Him completely in that. God's timing is perfect, but only if we are of the mind to wait for it and accept it when it comes.

So now, here I am, one day from finishing up my first year of Bible college! 46 credits down!! We are feeling God's leading to Portugal for a three year internship with Otto and Marjorie Ekk. It will be an amazing ride, but any of this, I know can change at any time. I am prepared to follow, and discerning where that will be is my responsibility.

4 Year anniversary

I have been blogging for four years now, since April 18th, 2008. That's a pretty neat treasure to look back on. I wish that I had done it more consistently, but I will take what I have done, because I know the reasons why I didn't for long periods of time :)

Lisbon, Portugal

Sarah Rose likes this place. It was her favorite picture out of a 128 page book of beautiful Portuguese photographs. It is in Lisbon. Jason and I have decided that we want to do a 3 year Journada to Lisbon, Portugal with Otto and Marjorie Ekk. We had a fabulous meeting with them last night at the Eytzen's house, and really feel that this is where God would have us train. I want to take Sarah Rose to this place for real, and in two more years we will be ready to leave!

We have one year down, and one year to go before we can get ready for our internship. Preparation for a Journada is pretty extensive compared to Trek, which is the shorter 8-9 month mission trip. It will take us about a year to get through the basic training, some language school and fundraising. I am so excited to have something nailed down, now we just need to run it past MBMissions so we are all on the same page.

This makes me sad... 

So many people are willing to admit that Jesus lived, and that he was a "good person" or a good rabbi and prophet. They even admit that there is a spiritual world consisting of good and evil! But admitting that Jesus is the only path to eternal life with God, they refuse. They call that intolerant, or hypocrytical. They say how can a loving God send any of His creations to Hell.

You want to know how I see it? Well, if you don't want to spend time on earth developing a relationship with God, why do you think you will want to when you are dead? Hell is just God granting your request to  be apart from Him. You made the choice, not Him. That is what free will is ALL about! Why would God force you to be with Him eternally when you didn't want to "hang" while you were here? So, yes, there is a HELL! And, there is a heaven. heaven is not for what you might call "goody-too-shoes." It's for people who were willing to die for what they believed. Martyrs and saints and true Followers of Jesus who pledge their souls to Christ because He pledged his life for them first.

We forget, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!" Romans 5:8
He died for us even though we had rejected Him! We spat in His face, and crucified Him! Yet He knew that through His death He would speak directly to our hearts.

You have this one life to either accept that Jesus is God's Son, or to reject it. It's easy.
But remember, Satan is the King of this world, and he would like nothing less than to see you wait too long to accept God's gift to you. One minute too long, and you pay for it for eternity.

If you claim to reject Jesus, you are claiming faith in your own reason. So, what if you are wrong? Human intellect has been changing for thousands of years, are you willing to stake your eternal soul on a brain that admits that Jesus was real, and understands that there is a spiritual world, but rejects that a man can be raised from the dead by God? My God is powerful, and completely capable of resurrecting Jesus, performing miracles, healing people, raising them from the dead, exorcising demons, and turning 5 loaves and 2 fishes into a meal for 5000! Is yours?

My Personal Ethical System

            When trying to map out my personal ethical system I must begin with God. I believe that God exists. I believe in a completely holy, just, and good God who is loving and merciful and I believe that because He is relational, He wishes to participate in this world with me. Understanding that God is and always has been relational emphasizes the importance of community in my ethical system. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1 ESV). Community was established in the basis of the trinity, and this God continually seeks to serve the other members in the trinity, the Father serves the Son and Spirit, the Son serves the Father and Spirit, and the Spirit serves the Father and the Son. Because this relationship is based completely on love, I know my God is holy, just, good, loving and merciful, and will deal with His creation in accordance.

Next, God is a God who is relational and wishes to be part of His creation, as opposed to a God who is deistic and merely stands back and watches everything play out. God has feelings like love, sorrow, pain, guilt and joy for His creation. Because I lean more towards open theism, I believe that God has chosen to give up some of his power and knowledge so that we may participate with free-will. 

As His creation, God has programed within all of us tendencies to act certain ways in response to certain actions. This is a “natural law” element that I claim as part of my ethical system. These natural tendencies explain why people who are not Christians can and do react in ethical ways even though they don’t base their decisions on faith as I do. We all react to being wronged with feelings of loss, pain, anger, and violation. These feelings are part of the image of God that is within each of us; they are a reaction to broken community. When community is enhanced, we share good feelings or joy, happiness, and unity.

As humans we are decidedly different than God, but we were the only creations who were made in His own image. We were created to be holy creations in community with God, each other, and nature but we failed to live up to our original purposes. We enjoyed very little perfection with God before we stumbled upon an apple in a garden and chose to think for ourselves. And no matter how hard we try to be independent, we will always be dependent on our creator God, and searching for ways to serve ourselves when we should be serving Him. God continues to search for us and try to reach us, calling us to participate in creation with Him. And when we choose to come back to Him, He is glorified and we are whole again.

Our moral responsibility was given to us in our original instructions. We are to honor God, take care of each other and take care of creation; in that we are to be humble and selfless. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). The Bible doesn’t seem to want to speak about the moral responsibility of any of God’s other creations, it speaks to us, and in our salvation we are made into new creations. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). As new creations we are to seek to be like Christ in all His ways. “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16).

            While my ethical system is based on faith commitments, reason has to be a rational part of it. I feel that emotions and intuition can play an important part in discerning right from wrong; however a reasonable base of knowledge about the situation is required before decisions can be made responsibly. But above all, my decisions are based on trust in my God, and my actions reflect that trust. I have Faith in God and I trust that He will provide for my every need, will help me navigate my life, and has provided me with the Holy Spirit so that I can discern right from wrong decisions.

            Human life has telos, as creations we are to find salvation in this life so that we can “end” this life and be in permanent community with our creator, in eternal life with Him. But this life isn’t just about the end, it’s about living with integrity, serving God in His purposes so that we may participate fully in spreading the Kingdom of God on this earth. In the end, God will ask us what we have done for Him, and we will be made to answer for the good and the bad, but I think that God is really searching our hearts. He wants to know “why”

 we acted the way we acted, was it out of stagnant moral obligation, or because we truly yearned to have His heart and served because we desired to. My ethics is based most on “being” God’s creation rather than on “doing” what He wants me to do. I truly want the desires of my heart to match what He wants for me, in everything. I want to achieve a virtuous life not for badges, but because it’s what I was created for.

            I believe that there is absolute truth in God, but that only He knows and understands that truth. My grasp and understanding of His truth is distorted like light in a prism as it passes through my human conscience, worldview, and levels of understanding. His truth is broken into slices so that I may understand bits and pieces, but I cannot ever claim to have His full truth and understanding. My ethical claim to “Soft absolutism” is based on this understanding of absolute truth and my perception of it.

            Regarding the spectrum of “determinism” I find myself in the “soft” section. God is sovereign, and is completely qualified to determine the future. Through study of God’s Word to us in the Bible we can see that the future is determined, but the exact path to that determination is not clearly detailed. I see the Apostle Paul and the ways that God was able to use his unbridled passion. Paul made mistakes, but God was still able to use Paul in wonderful ways to reach the gentiles with Christ. God didn’t determine every aspect and point of Paul’s but because Paul sought God’s guidance, the Holy Spirit helped Paul to determine where God needed him to go and why. Like Paul we must seek to always do better in following Christ, as a life of complacency is a life wasted. God wants us to participate with Him, but if we refuse He will choose someone else.

Our bodies are the temple of Christ, and as such we need to honor them and be good stewards of the creation we are. For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people (2 Corinthians 6:16). First we must love God and ourselves as His Holy temple. Through that love and seeing our value in God’s eyes we can learn how to love others unselfishly. Jesus commanded us: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). So, I must love myself first, but only so that I can fully understand and grasp God’s love for me, and with that understanding I can love others completely.

Consequences are an important part of ethics, however I don’t believe that they are the main focus. In any situation the desired outcome should be determined, but then the ethical choices should be made based on the wrongness or rightness of the means that lead to the desired outcome. Some means are just not ethical nor justified no matter how fantastic the end result will be.

Rules are a good foundation; God has given us several rules in the Bible that when followed provide guidelines for how to navigate life ethically. The Ten Commandments are a solid footing in how to love God, others, and ourselves. If we follow them we can have joy. When Jesus added the Golden Rule to “do unto others” he summarized many of the original rules. Jesus didn’t just give the golden rule, however, he went back to the Commandments and clarified, adding that merely hating was the same as killing, and looking with lust was the same as committing adultery. Jesus didn’t make things easier; he made the Commandments of “doing” more like the ethics of “being.” He didn’t just want us to act like good people; he wanted our hearts and minds to “be” good people.

That being said, I find that the principle of Love to be the greatest of the principles given by God. To clarify, the principle of Love is based on agape love; love which is manifested in benevolence and good will towards others. Other principals such as the Value of Life, Goodness, Justice, Honesty and Individual Freedom are important too, but are viewed through the scope of Love. When we have a correct understanding of our image as God’s children, we are prepared to consider others better than ourselves. It is then that benevolent love will correctly regulate the remaining principals. Value of Life, when based on benevolent love will have supreme consideration. Goodness, through the scope of agape love, will be expressed fully. Justice is God’s love and our love being distributed perfectly. It is important to express Honesty through Love, Value of Life, Goodness and Justice. Honesty is important to proper participation in community, as without it, anarchy will rise. Individual Freedom is important as well, but as Christians we need to remember that we are created to be part of the “body” of Christ in His church on Earth. As such, we must always consider the effect on the “body” of Christ as well as impact on people not part of that “body.”

Rules are a good start, but situations can’t be predicted, and simple rules just cannot cover the multitude of possibilities! When it comes down to a particular situation, the best possible grasp of knowledge is required, then a proper assessment of consequences and different means determined. We must apply the rules from the Bible to the possible actions to be taken. Then we must filter all of that through the principle of love. Is what we are opting to do loving God, is it loving ourselves, is it loving others, is it loving creation? How can we achieve the desired results while loving in the process?

Good Friday

Isachar, Hanan. Images of the Holy Land. Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 1997.

Today we are supposed to be reminded of Jesus' death on the cross. Last Sunday was the excitement of Him entering the City of Jerusalem on a colt, complete with Palm Branches, crowds of happy spectators, a parade... You could imagine the feeling of anticipation, anxious excitement for the Passover feast was under way. Many Jews from the diaspora were making the long trek across many lands to come back to the great city. The city grew as much as three times! Sixty thousand to one hundred eighty!
   
Thursday, last night, Jesus prepared his disciples by celebrating the passover supper with them. Do this in remembrance of me; we take of the bread and of the wine. He tells them things that they don't understand, for they don't know that he will be betrayed in a few hours and slain. But he knows. He tells them that one among them will betray him, and he will be killed. They wonder who that could be, and then like children get distracted by another conversation about who the greatest disciple is.

He is in complete, harmonious understanding with God. He knows what is going to happen. He also knows that God has given everything into His hands. He is truly, the King of the World. What does he choose to do next?

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, ⁴ rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. ⁵ Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. ⁶ He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” ⁷ Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” ⁸ Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” ⁹ Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” ¹¹ For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean.” 

¹² When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? ¹³ You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. ¹⁴ If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. ¹⁶ Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. ¹⁸ I am not speaking of all of you; I know whom I have chosen. But the Scripture will be fulfilled, ‘He who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me.’ ¹⁹ I am telling you this now, before it takes place, that when it does take place you may believe that I am he. ²⁰ Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever receives the one I send receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.” 

He washed their feet... The king of the World, lowers himself to the level of "foot-washer"

And then he predicted the denial of Peter. Peter promised Him that he would do no such thing... 

Next they head out to the Garden of Gethsemane, the Mount of Olives, to pray.  

It is there that Judas brings the officials, and Jesus is arrested... 

Peter tells people that he doesn't know Christ, three times... 

After all the miracles he witnessed, three times... 

After all the teaching and profound insight, three times... 

After all the thousands followed Him into Jerusalem less than one week earlier, three times...

After all of the precious time that he spent with Jesus, personally, three times...

How weak we are, after all the things we can see and hear and be part of!! 

But the amazing thing was that after Jesus rose on the third day, Peter saw his savior crucified and risen, and he was changed for good! Peter will never again deny his Christ. Peter will go to the death, any death, proclaiming God's love for the world, that He gave His one and only Son, to be the perfect sacrifice, our final and perfect passover lamb. How many of us are pre-resurection "Peter's?" How many of us are post-resurrection "Peter's?" Which one are you?

Daffodils- Photo Blog

 I love daffodils. They are so simple and seem to grow everywhere up here!

 Graceful, elegant and simply one basic color! Though the multi colored ones are beautiful too!

This picture got a little extra attention...

As for man, his days are like grass;

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

and its place knows it no more.

But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,

and his righteousness to children's children,

to those who keep his covenant

and remember to do his commandments.

(Psalm 103:15-18 ESV)

Urban Mission Adventure

My Critical Incident for the UMA weekend may not seem like much in the scheme of all we saw, but it really touched my heart. As part of our weekend, our group was assigned to serve with “More than a Roof.” Our particular assignment was cleaning single occupancy low-income housing units near downtown. Katelyn, a member of my group, and I had the opportunity to clean two different units. The first one was pretty simple, it seemed like he had “pre-cleaned” before we came, so we got to help with more intense jobs like washing down walls and cabinets etc. The second, however, obviously didn’t try to “impress” us by cleaning before hand. She accepted the help readily, as she was recovering from surgery and was still in pain from that.

The impression that I got when I first walked in and choked down the cloud of cigarette smoke that was the air of her apartment, was that she could not have gotten much if any training in domestic matters. Everything was disorganized, dirty, cluttered and stunk of cigarette smoke. Katelyn offered to tackle the pile of laundry both dirty and clean that Davika wanted folded and put into a large trunk. I tackled the kitchen.

In this process of tidying up, Davika conversed with both of us. She had a lot to say, most of the time it was just chatter about clothes and this and that, but at one point she brought up the color of her East Indian skin and how she feels weird dressing the way she does and wonders what other people think of how she dresses. She has a style that she likes, but it isn’t typical of how traditional East Indian’s dress, so that makes her feel awkward.

She asked our opinion… Without a pause God lead me to speak to her heart about how she is a daughter of God and how He made her exactly how he wanted to, and that He will always think that she is beautiful no matter what other people think. I told her that she is beautiful and that she didn’t need to be ashamed of her ethnicity and how she liked to dress; those things don’t need to be important.

She was stunned. She was quiet for just a little bit and then responded saying that she had never thought of that and that she liked thinking about her self like that.

So, here is a precious daughter of God, who can’t organize and doesn’t care to keep things clean and tidy, but I hope and pray that what I was able to speak into her life has some sort of lasting impression and that she carries those thoughts of God with her wherever she goes. Self worth is so important. God wants us to love ourselves; we are His temple, and as such need to be happy with the way that He as made us. I only wish that I could have said that to everyone down there! I can’t imagine how sad it must make him to see His beautiful creations living such evil and dirty lives of bondage.

I feel that this moment was impactful for me because God has used me to speak into people’s lives before, and I LOVE getting to be used by Him to bring joy and peace and comfort to people. I hope and pray that God will use me like this more and more, as I develop the gifts and talents that He has given me.

With this in mind, the thing that I struggled with overall was the discussion we had with Jeff Baergen about the brothels, and their underage occupants. He told us that because the people inside are never let out, no one can get in there with a warrant because there isn't enough "evidence" to get one. That makes me sick! I wasn't sure if I should cry, or throw up, or both... I know that it hit the other members of my group with viscous impact, but for me, and Jason, it had to have seemed more personal. We have two beautiful precious daughters at home who I can't IMAGINE ever being part of that kind of situation. How is it that these poor 9 and 10 year old girls (and boys) can be born into THAT kind of situation. It makes me so angry livid! Can you imagine? So then he asked us the question... how are we supposed to love that pimp? Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves... so how are we to love that PIMP??!! Can you do it? So, we were walking down the street handing out bread and pastries to the homeless and see a beautiful motorcycle sitting at the edge of the street. My first thought was wow, that guys is pretty brave to leave that sitting out here on Hastings Street... Then I thought for a moment more, "you know, I bet people would get killed if they touched that bike..." You know where people that frequent Hastings Street get their money from, right? They get it from the blood, sweat and tears of little children that they put out for abuse! Seriously, if I could have a "puke-on-demand" ability I may have walked past a certain motorcycle and activated it. So we continue walking... then we turn around and guess what we hear? A motorcycle start up. he hooks a U-ey in the middle of Hastings and heads towards the stop light. That short, husky, clean shaven, man, in his mid forties, rides up and stops in the line of cars right next to where we were handing out bread. This self-centered, psychopath who must have a heart of lead, was just sitting there with a big smile on his face enjoying the sunshine just like the rest of us. 

I can't believe what sin has done to the world and to people that they can treat other people worse than animals. How is it "fair" that people can be born into bondage that they have no control over? How is it that a mum can pimp out her own daughter at 7 years old to get money for her crack habit? How is it that another mum or dad can sell a daughter into prostitution for a supply of heroin? And how is it that a pimp can take a 9-year-old girl and "train" her for her new occupation. $600 a "trick," that is what sick, good-for-nothing, slime-balls will pay for time with a ten-year-old. But when you reach 13/14 you aren't worth that anymore. Your human value is similar to that of a car lot. New, unscratched, $600/trick, but once you have a few miles on you, it's $300/hr. Somewhere in there, they all start using drugs to ease the pain and make life bearable. When these poor girls hit eighteen, they are kicked out of the brothel to the streets, heavily addicted to heroin or crack with a street "value" of about $20/hr. They live each day, performing to supply their drug habit. 

God, show us how to reach these oppressed brothel children! How can we rescue them, if the laws that are in place to protect people, actually do more to protect pimps? How do we walk down the street okay with that? How do we live each day knowing that each night these things are happening in our world? These poor children are victims of Sodom and Gomorrah. And I know that things will only get worse until the day comes when Christ can set all the captives free.
       “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”
                                  -(Luke 4:18-19 ESV)



...learn to do good;
seek justice,
correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's cause.
                                   -(Isaiah 1:17 ESV)



Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
                                                                                          -(James 1:27 ESV)

My Story, Today

How has God been at work in my life? When I think about describing this I think of a locomotive. I see how easily it is to stop a steam locomotive from moving at all. A single quarter on the tracks lodged under its wheel can keep it from budging, if it has no momentum. But no quarter in the way, leaves it free to begin moving with power from within, and as long as the fireman keeps the coal coming. Once it is moving at a steady pace no one can stop it with outside force, it must be reigned in from within. Strong and steady, moving down the tracks, as bystanders we stand in awe of its graceful power, thundering down the line. It goes exactly where the tracks tell it to go; locomotives don’t make their own decisions regarding direction. Direction comes from outside reasoning, people who know more and see where it can go without destruction. Like a flight tower, the command central for trains keeps the locomotive moving in a direction clear of other locomotives doing their own work. If it looses that connection, even for a little while, and it has to make a choice to switch the track or not, there will be definite consequences if it chooses wrong. Staying connected to those who can see over all the tracks is essential to survival. Someday, that locomotive will be placed in a museum somewhere, and elegant things will be written about its “glory days;” even while it is asleep, people will be impacted by it’s stories. 

My story begins many years ago. I can see that I was dormant, waiting for God to bring someone into my life to show me how life could be with Jesus. Eventually God brought that person into my life, and that person gently helped me to see how Jesus could heal parts of my heart that ached. Parts that were left sore and empty because I was always searching for approval in an earthly father who really didn’t know how to express that and in a mother who was struggling to keep everything together, when she couldn’t possibly be strong enough. Looking back, I can see a very broken family, trying to stay together with their own strength and skills. I learned how a family and a marriage without Christ looked. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted for me. Eventually I “prayed a prayer” to ask Jesus to be the Lord of my life. But even then I really didn’t know what that meant.

It took many more years, several of marriage, and a few children thrown into the mix to show me that I couldn’t do it on my own. I realized that I just didn’t have enough strength or love on my own; I was tired of trying to hold everything together. I asked God again to be my Lord, and fell back into knowing that with Him, I could do anything. I felt alive again, and I wanted to read my Bible. And even though I didn’t understand a lot of what it was trying to say, and couldn’t see how it was relevant to my life, I just wanted to keep reading. Somehow I knew that I needed to learn more about how God has been involved in the world.

My locomotive was slowly moving, but gaining momentum. Christians go through stages, sometimes we feel really connected to God, like a “spiritual high.” Things seem really easy, we feel like we are learning more about our purpose here on earth, we feel like we can encourage others by showing what having faith has done in our own lives. Then sometimes we feel “stagnant” like a pond that has seen too much summer heat and has some sludge growing on the top. When this happens, we don’t feel like we are learning much, we don’t feel like we have anything really to offer. We will wonder if God has any significant job for us to do, or is it just this ritual day after day of mind-numbing jobs. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that our lives are always supercharged and full of inspiration! I had been feeling a bit like the latter until about three years ago. Sure, I prayed sometimes. I prayed with my kids, I knew that was important. I tried to make good choices that God would be proud of. I just felt like everything was so bland and that I really didn’t have a reason to reach out for anything if things were just going to be like this forever. As a mom of four children, it is easy to get stuck in ruts or laundry, cooking, cleaning and just “being.” I was “being” a Christian, but I wasn’t “doing” anything that seemed to matter.

Three years ago, God gave me a free ride to a Christian women’s conference. It was fabulous, and though I can’t go into it here, I left with new ideas of what living my life dedicated to Jesus could look like. I learned that He wants to talk with me, but that because I was letting “life” get in the way I had put ear-plugs in my ears and couldn’t hear His voice. I began praying every day, sometimes all day long. Then I went to a few great Bible studies with women at my church. I learned how we can become calloused to God’s voice if we don’t diligently listen for Him on a regular basis! I learned how to ask, listen and wait, expecting to hear His voice!

Then my husband lost his job, under somewhat weird circumstances. It seemed that the circumstances surrounding him being fired were not what would have been “expected.” Like if the same thing had happened a few years earlier, or perhaps to someone else, the outcome would have been entirely different. We knew that God’s hand was in it, and we could almost see it with our own eyes! Then we wondered why God had removed him from that position… Was something bad going to happen at the plant, and God was trying to keep him safe? We could only wonder. We wondered, and prayed. We went through a Bible study together, one that I had just finished doing on my own. We clung together as a family, and to God! My daughter wrote my husband a note and slipped it under the door. As an eight year old, she was speaking God’s voice to him. “It’s a miracle my dad lost his job.”

A few weeks later, I was determined to hear God’s voice at our Sunday sermon. I just had this unexplainable and undeniable feeling of expectancy, like waiting for Christmas. And I heard it! God spoke to me, and now we are here, picking up speed, trying to see ahead at what tracks we will be sent on, but knowing that God is flipping the switches that need to be flipped. I just have to do my part and keep feeding the fire.

My Story, as prepared for my Awana girls, 2008

When I was a senior in H.S. I made this cute little necklace with a chain of braided hemp and a little tiny bottle with a cork that hung like a charm from the center.  It was one of those choker style ones that are fastened snug around your neck so the little bottle was always visible and people asked me what was inside of it all the time.  After it was completed it took me several days to figure out what I wanted to put inside! Finally I decided, I cut out a tiny little piece of paper out of some really pretty paper that I had and gave it to my boyfriend.  I told him to write something on it and that I would put it in the little bottle, glue it closed and not open it for a year or until he told me I could!  Basically I passed on the burden of filling it to someone else!!  lol...

 Anyways, he thought about it for a few days (this was about 2 months after we had started dating) and then wrote his little note and rolled it up and I didn’t look as we glued it inside of the little bottle for safekeeping.  Now, I’m not going to tell you what was on the note until a little later, but I want you to think about this.  Jason, my husband, is a Brother in Christ, and was back then when I first met him.  I, however, hadn’t found Jesus yet.  I knew who God was and knew a little about the man Jesus, but hadn’t committed my life to him as my savior yet. I had never been invited to Awana or another church group before I met Jason, so all I knew about Jesus was just words in this big huge book “The Bible” and that my boyfriend, Jason, was a Christian and believed in this man Jesus.

When Jason, my husband, wrote this note I had still not decided that Jesus was my savior.  Looking back, I now know that when I asked him to write it he went home and prayed really hard about it.  He wanted to see God find a way into my heart and he asked God if I was going to be the girl that would marry him someday!  God answered his prayers with confidence about both requests so he knew exactly what to write on my little slip of paper.

During these days in my life I was having a really tough time dealing with some problems in my life and I was really confused and even scared.  I also felt like something important was missing in my life.  Jason asked me, one evening that I was particularly confused and upset, if I wanted to know Jesus as my savior. I had finally decided to make the choice and I wanted so much to know that God was looking out for me and I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart!  It was during this time, just a few months after he wrote the little note for my bottle, that he led me to Jesus by taking me through the prayer of salvation. 

I now had Jesus in my life, and I was trying my best to learn everything that I could about Him.  The most important thing was I know knew that I wasn’t alone and that God was there to listen to me about my concerns and fears and hopes and dreams.  I started going to church every Sunday with Jason and his family and that helped me to find out more about Jesus and how He could be in my life every day.  I even started going to that churches Youth Group and since I was still in High School I was officially still "cool" in the younger kid’s eyes and I helped them to be strong and learn about keeping Jesus in their lives!  About 6 months later after graduating from High School, I became a Nanny for a family that I knew. Right after I returned home from a trip with that family to San Diego’s Coronado  , Jason wanted to spend time with me.

I mean that evening that we flew back into town!  Jason asked me to go have dinner with him.  He took us to a park that we had gone to several times before.  It was really cool with these long cement slides that curved down the hillside.  You could slide down them on cardboard boxes or waxed paper and go really fast, there were two of them so you could even race a friend!  We had come there quite a few times with our friends to play on those slides.....  I thought that he was just bringing me there to work up an appetite for dinner but then I started getting this feeling down in my stomach that something was different about that day.... Hmmmmm..... At the bottom of the hill with the two slides there is a HUGE old Oak tree with some really cool climbing branches.  We walked down there and sat down and he told me to open my bottle!  I was kind of wondering what the heck he was talking about, but I took off my necklace anyways and pulled the cork out and then managed to get the tiny little piece of paper out.....

And do you know what it said??  It said "Will you Marry Me? Love, Jason!" While I had been unrolling the paper, Jason got down on one knee and pulled out a little box and opened it. Ahhh, I know it’s a really cute story and I treasure having it.  I was really young back then and this was pretty much the ULTIMATE in my eyes!  

But, the reason that I thought that this story would be a good thing to share with you, was not because it’s a cute mushy girl story, but because I think that it is an ultimate example of a young persons Faith in God. That young person being Jason.  He chose to have the eyes and heart of Jesus and not judge me because I wasn’t a Christian, in that he chose to try to help me instead of push me away because I wasn’t like him. He knew part of Gods plan even before I was saved, because he was a man of God and kept Jesus close to his heart, he knew that Jesus would help him bring me to my Faith and that someday he would be able to marry me. (He knew that he couldn’t marry me until I was a Christian) He had prayed about it constantly before and after he had wrote my little note, he had the strength to follow Jesus’ plan for his life, he had the Faith to write that little note even before I had found Christ, he had the wisdom to seek God’s word and pray every day for my salvation, he had the Love of Jesus in his heart for me and wanted more than anything to be able to bring Jesus into my heart too. 

He kept and still keeps Jesus close to his heart and because of that he knows that Jesus was there and will always be there to help him through life’s challenges, adventures, and in doing God’s will in his life.  Really it’s a story about two peoples journey to and through Faith.  Finding Faith in Jesus and then finding your devotion to it.  Ever since that night that Jason led me to Christ, I have spent my life trying to pursue Jesus’ plan for me and my family.  I know that I will never be without, that Jesus has always and will always take care of my family and me.

Internship

So, Jason and i came home with Portugal on our minds a few weeks ago. We are far from deciding on that as the place for our internship, but it's a start. We are still praying for God to reveal that part of our plan. In His perfect timing, He will show us the way to walk.

If this is the place, we would be looking as Lisbon, Portugal. Our church has missionaries there, who we would be serving with.

Jason and I signed up for our third semester of classes this week. It is amazing to me to think that we are 2-3 semesters away from the process of internship. What that will look like, depends. We could be ready to leave as soon as next summer/fall, but if we decide to go for a longer term 2-3 years, we will have yet another year of launch time to train and raise funding. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

On another note, I am reworking some of our curriculum again! I still love the Rod and Staff that we have a lot of. But, we needed to shake things up a bit as we were getting stale :( We will me moving away from R & S's Language arts, spelling and Math. I love it for the younger grades, but for the elementary levels it is getting too tedious and booky. My kids need to grow in their creative writing, and R & S doesn't offer much help with that. Grammar is awesome, but the creative side is lacking. We'll see what Keith says about what I'd like to order for us to get restarted.

Who Ever Said that Faith is Easy??

Who ever said that faith is easy, or that being a Christian makes things easier was not preaching the gospel of Christ. As Christians we are tested and refined daily, and in our perseverance we are made more like Christ as we follow in his footsteps. Being a Christian means having amazing experiences followed by trials that test our very core. I mess up, I take my eyes and lower them to the ground, and then I feel defeated. It is only when I graze my eyes upon the heavens and once again drink in the cool, refreshing air, that I find peace in my heavenly Father. When the troubles and people of this world disappoint me, I have to resist curling up into a little ball of sorrows. This is so easy to do, as a woman of God I revert to that natal position almost as reflex. But God comes and finds me in my innermost parts and calls me to Himself. He tells me once again that I am His precious daughter, and that He made everything about me. 



"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
(Ephesians 2:8-10 ESV)

He has a perfect plan for my life if I will only try my best to follow one step behind His lead. No one, and no thing can deter me from the task He has given me. And when waves try to wash up over me, I have to grasp tightly to the rock that is my foundation. 


Several things have been washing and crashing over me this past week, and I need to see them for what they are. The evil one of this world would like nothing better than to discourage me and cast doubt into the plan that God has for me. Letter's that make me feel like a criminal, children that make me feel like a failure, and situations that make me feel tiny are no match for my God! 



Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.
For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
(Isaiah 30:18-21 ESV)


"This is the way, walk in it." Be patient and kind, for blessed are the poor in spirit. 


“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
(Matthew 5:9-12 ESV)

We are blessed to call Him Father! And we will not be delivered unto our enemies, unless He has a plan to further the Kingdom of God.

Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
(Matthew 6:9-13 ESV)

May His name be made Holy upon the earth, so that people will respond to His calls.


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV)

God is my strong tower, He is my refuge and my strength. I call on no other name, and expect no man to be perfect.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
(Psalm 46:1-3 ESV)

Do not let you spirit be crushed, I have to run to the Father with arms wide open.



The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. A rich man's wealth is his strong city, and like a high wall in his imagination. Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:10-14 ESV)

In Him I find rest, comfort and peace like a river. And though I am refined as precious gold, I know that I will make it through to the "Good and faithful servant" if only I can hold fast to my Father. 

And I will put this third into the fire,
    and refine them as one refines silver,
    and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
    and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
    and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”
-Zechariah 13:9


The Lord is my God!

Amen---

Psalm 139

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139 ESV)